The Birth of Nonsense

--dan monday, october 2002--

right on, spongebob squarepants, i will be ready whenever you are, so just let me know the details of your eye exam...study hard. however, i will not endorse such things fully unless you give me a promise on full faith and credit that you will get indie glasses and wear them throughout your political career (chucks are optional)...then you can form an indie political party called the tiennamen squares, which will only be based upon the most pure and benevolent forms of democracy and universal human rights, whereby you can hold the dual role of party leader and minister of rock...i will be the minister of foreign affairs and general cynicism along with my honorable colleague stan "i cant help that i dont give a shit about your rights, you prol" wolansky in order to form the hegelian dialectic and acheive the support and good graces of the world over as we deny our position of forcing them under OUR wings so that we might do the greatest good as the greatest political party on the planet: establish the wind on which they fly. our principles would be based on a) rock; b) all things british (excluding the pussified "third way"); c) pints for all; d) the city paper; e) taking the fifth damn cheeseburger away from your mouth; f) salmon three times a week; g) biking to work; h) foregoing that seventh BMW in three years; i) universal rights of man; j) taking your head out of the fucking cave; k) terrorism bad, muslims good; l) CEOs should not govern; m) we do this only if we are chosen to do so...and i present to you the manifesto for the next fifty years of our lives.