Hillary, please go away

Part I

I used to think that the "dream" ticket of Barack/Hillary was never going to happen. I used to give it 2% odds. But the longer this goes on, the more it creeps up. I'd say now we're at a solid 10%. Still unlikely, but too likely to make me nervous.

Part II

Hillary yesterday threatened to obliterate Iran if they attack Israel. Obviously, we would retaliate if that happened. But, as Helen of Troy studiously pointed out to me this morning (and correct me if I'm wrong INTA bloggers), the Middle East is largely about perception. And as I've learned from reading some Friedman, humiliation is one of the biggest things that keeps all the bad things in the world going. I think her saying that, and everything about her campaign, is very 20th century. There is only one candidate with the possibly to make this not just another four years.

Cloggers McDoggers

If you skipped the Cherry Blossom Festival this past weekend, you missed the Loudoun County Cloggers at the Jefferson Memorial.

O' Hai...Ohhhh

people in ohio are fucking bigots...Guuuhhh

Want to feel like a piece of shit?

1) sign up for a personal trainer
2) make sure it's an attractive female in your age group
3) expose your meaty ham hocks like you're at "spring break: fat camp"
4) have her push you to the point that you are nauseous
5) feel sore to the point you cannot walk properly
6) offer your ego on a pyre of shame
7) pay for this to happen four more times

guuuuuhhhhh...

Cacklin' Cankles Sings Da Blues...

so let's review where the fuck we are at now that three-fifths of dude weekend has officially endorsed barrack obama by way of posts on this blog. on the eve of critical primaries/caucuses in texas and ohio (as well as other states) i am making a prediction that clinton is out by the end of the week. that's just me, and it feels good to write it...

but, i have this sneaking suspicion. it is as andrew sullivan put it; it's that eerie quiet before the storm. the clinton machine could come back to shame us all. but, speaking of shameful, let's just give a cursory rundown of the shitty tactics recently embraced by the queeen of beefy achilles heels...yeah, i know i am getting porky too, so shut your fucking mouth.

first and foremost, there is the shameful somali garb incident, which the knowledgeable stan-wise gamgee has commented on. disgrace.

then there is the plagiarized "red phone" ad by clinton's campaign that highlights her utterly non-existent foreign policy credentials. hey, cacklin', you didn't have security clearance during bill's presidency...ergo, you weren't in the room to help with these decisions...go fuck yourself.

then, boys and girls, there is the latest smear that the clinton campaign tried to unload against sen. obama. face it, sister, you are acting like a ferret backed into a corner because you were completely deficient in your campaign planning. i hope your self-entitlement tastes bitter because for me it's on the other side of the tongue. it's oh so sweet. perhaps you will prove me wrong, and perhaps you are "just getting started," as you have said. but, if you happen to squeak by (yes, that is the sound you make when speaking) in this nomination process, you will always have it hanging over your head that you are a conniving whiner. the more your campaign threatens to sue the texas democratic party the more you are exposed as an elitist who will do anything to win because you feel as though you "deserve" to.

in summation, i don't like you, sen. clinton. i will be very disappointed if you win the democratic nomination because i do not think you deserve it. your tactics in the past few weeks are telling of your quality as a person and your potential as a president. that can be summed up in one word: petty.

i'll take hope; so you can take your shit somewhere else. fucker.

god, i wanted this post to be much funnier...

welcome, dimwits

The Obama campaign has huge implications for race relations in this country. For one, electing a black man president would seriously stifle claims about racism in this country. No, it would not silence them (because racism does still exist), but it would make it much harder to reflexively cry racism whenever something goes awry. I, for one, am thoroughly enjoying the teeth gnashing and wailing of the assorted racial ambulance chasers at the prospect of an Obama presidency. Unsurprisingly, these dubious characters are clustered around the Clinton campaign where they cling to their candidate like a tick clings to a mutt. These hucksters have buttressed their self-appointed position as representative and arbiter of the "black community" through their proximity to the Clinton's power, while the Clintons have benefited by being able to claim the support of the "black community." Of course, the prospect of Obama upsetting this comfy little applecart cant go unchallenged.

Witness this retard:


I don't even know where to begin. His "native country?" Which country would that be? Somalia? And that would make you...

So it comes to this...

What a fucking disgrace. I am holding this spot for a particularly vitriolic rant based upon this article.

I find it shameful that this subject is a part of American politics, let alone the race for the presidency. This is why I do not vote in these dog and pony shows. An educated woman being criticized for a thesis that she wrote more than 20 years ago?!?!? On top of that, she is being criticized for writing about identity in American, especially Ivy League, institutions. Are you fucking kidding me?!?! If this had been a Jewish or Arab or Asian student, this would have been viewed as a harmless thesis, perhaps even given a "best thesis" award.

Go fuck yourselves hard and long, media outlets. Forgive me for sounding like a curmudgeon, but I hope you choke on the big bigoted dick that you are sucking. You are a disgusting lot if you let this story breathe anymore. Fucking drop dead and leave it to the civil among us to make our decisions. You deserve a painful life.

Washington, DC Kennel Club

for the first time in the history of the westminster kennel club a beagle won best in show. i love animals; I FUCKING LOVE THEM!!! the four cats i have lived with throughout my life (even the pooter queen herself, shadow, who is no longer with us, god rest her soul) and the pets of my friends and loved ones are just as important to me as many humans. sorry, bi-peds, but sometimes you all just suck. so, i get excited about the dog show every year.

why do i mention this? well, for one, i am actually excited about the 2008 presidential campaign, and this is the first time i have ever felt as such. i mention the dog show because historically i have been much more likely to vote in that contest than any political beauty pageant until now. even with that said, i am still skeptical--forever will be--and i reserve my right to withdraw my enthusiasm at the drop of a hat...or a bald-face, blatant fucking lie.

in full disclosure, i have never voted. the only reason i know what it looks or smells like within a polling place is because i always accompanied my parents to vote in my youth, and because i volunteered at our local polling station during high school. believe me, i have been called all sorts of things for this, including hypocrit, bad citizen, just another complainer, and shithead...i am not even sure that last one had anything to do with my not having ever voted. but, i have always maintained that it is my right to NOT vote. of course it is. no one can force me to do anything.

for those detractors who tell me that i cannot complain BECAUSE i do not vote, i have one thing to say: yes, i can. i can complain about anything i fucking want to, especially the current state of politics in this country. even moreso, i choose to mount a complaint with one of the most powerful things i have: my vote. let's put it another way. you are telling me that i cannot aptly comment on the political situation in this country because i refuse to choose between two charlatans who, once elected, back out on their promises like a prom date who finds out the girl he coaxed into fucking him in the limo is now knocked up?

i can completely understand the opinion that denounces any non-voters, for i am not trying to say that those who do vote, even when the candidates are not ideal, are not enlightened. that shit is annoying and should be saved for dread-locked hippies who judge you while handing out flyers on the street...we can all join in on the universal desire to smash their shins with a bat and tell them to get the fuck out of our faces with their tripe.

but give me a fucking break! instead, look at my decision like a boycott. if wal-mart treats its employees like shit or if softsoap tests on animals, what do you do, ever smart and virtuous consumer? you DO NOT buy their products. if you find that the diner in your neighborhood is not paying its busboys (who happen to be three-fourths hispanic) a reasonable wage, do you eat there? fuck no!!!! you're a responsible and worldly New York Times-reading urbanite.

so, i choose to boycott the two party system in this country. some say that not voting does not work because i am, at the end of the day, just forfeiting my voice in favor of those who oppose my view. well, the same contention is levied against boycotts and embargoes and other forms of protest. just because you do not choose to buy there does not mean others will not. does that make you any less relevant? why, of course not. but, why are those methods acceptable forms of dissention and the former not?

so, get off my back about not voting. perhaps this year i will. i am actually inspired by a candidate who is not a carpetbagger or a curmudgeoned fairweather politico...oh, wait that describes clinton and mccain, both (and for the record, "hope" is never a platitude, you two fear-mongering beasts...i hope you both end up in the darkness of your own rhetoric without a torch). let's face it, the two party system is fucking broken and it does not represent anyone, let alone the typical american. fuck the pandering and the rhetoric. i am not going to vote for, as so many put it, the "lesser of two evils" because the world is not black or white, and i don't want ANY evil in a position of power. i'd rather vote for the fucking beagle...

Religious Relativism...Wait, What???

so the archbishop of canterbury made the news last week with this rousing bit of logic on Sharia in Britain. in short, this so-called man of great faith thinks that Britain should allow for culture courts that settle disputes under the laws and norms of their respective communities rather than the laws of land. uhhh, you say one shouldn't have to make "the stark alternatives of cultural loyalty or state loyalty???" um, yes, they should. that is the basis for the rule of law, one of the fundamental principles of modern society. and, they should especially when half the population in these communities is ritually disenfranchised. in modern society, the only veil that should be worn is a veil of ignorance.



also, how much of a faithful leader can you be when you cannot even stick up for your own culture? as the wise christopher hitchens has said, "to hell with the archbishop of canterbury."

[A]n approach to law which simply said "there's one law for everybody and that's all there is to be said, and anything else that commands your loyalty or allegiance is completely irrelevant in the processes of the courts"—I think that's a bit of a danger.

aside from the utterly baffling philosophical implications of this quote, the more obvious fallacy should be apparent to even the simplest among us. excuse me, bishop, but is it not your job to teach that God supposedly decreed that there is one law for everybody and that is all there is to be said?

mutually assured dudeweekend

when bitter enemies start threating nuclear strikes on each other, its good to know such calm, serious professionals are in charge.*


*yes, I know Amir Peretz is no longer in charge, but still.

Africa...still?

Looks like it's about time for another charity concert. Somewhere Sting is warming up and sipping hot Rooibos tea.