As long as we're here...

This certainly deserves another airing, in my mind...

This is an e-mail in response to this article:

it's like the clinton campaign is living in a parallel bizarro world...the whole time i was reading the linked article i was thinking "why the hell are they highlighting his numerical advantages???"

then i remembered that it is the same horribly mismanaged campaign that we have seen collapse like a flan in a cupboard (hat tip: eddie izzard) over the past month. the logical gymnastics of clinton's campaign are utterly mind blowing: the ferraro fiasco (tm) was obama's fault (according to ferraro and clinton's campaign manager); he plagiarizes one of his top advisers (even though gov. deval gave him permission to use the "just words" line) but she steals john edwards' parting shots about "we're going to be just fine" and her supporters start chanting "yes, she can;" the fact that she is "mathematically" out of the hunt but she wants to suggest obama can be her running mate (the serpentine logic of why he would be a good running mate but not a good commander-in-chief is just too rich to elucidate, even here); her foreign policy "experience" being greater than obama's despite numerous key players coming out and saying she has exaggerated her role in many of the situations she has taken credit for (bosnia, rwanda, china, northern ireland)...many people have been fired, publicly disgraced, and ruined for this last point alone; she has essentially embellished her resume.

again, this latter point brings up some of my earlier inquiries as to why obama is not playing up his role as an intrepid advocate in chicago politics early in his career. he is essentially neglecting his resume while she is making one up as she goes. if he truly wants to change the tone in washington then he should reflect back to the instances when presidential nominees were not always crusading charlatans, strictly shooting for 1600 penn. ave. many former presidents cut their teeth in local politics first to show their mettle and then took it national...christ, the best hillary has done is shit out an ugly baby by bill's fetid penis.

the creepy thing about her campaign is that she is obviously delusional (almost to a clinical degree...for serious) and her advisers are all drinking from the kool-aid fountain. if obama cannot do it then let his surrogates do it for him, as was suggested in The Root, and ask clinton (a la jack nicholson from the shining) "are you out of your fucking mind?"

do not want

What a coincidence. Stan Wolansky just returned from his afternoon trip to the thunderbucket where he read this article on CENTCOM's Thomas Fallon. Leaving aside the dull-from-overuse cardplaying metaphor and turtleneck Tommy Barnett's obvious desire to live out the rest of his days nestled snugly in a pair of Fallon's used tighty whiteys, the article made me feel good that the CENTCOM commander was there to muffle the war drums from the flat-earthers and chickenhawks gearing up for war with Iran. However that feeling vanished as soon as he returned to his computer and saw this. pwn3d.

strong leader: reagan 1985 edition

Dudeweekend is a viper's nest of hillary-hate. Its not only the deviousness with which this monster has run her campaign, the nefarious cast of characters which cling to her, her philandering husband's embarrassing antics, or the constant racial and religious shenanigans (He's not a Muslim as far as I know") this devil in a red pantsuit has resorted to in an effort to snatch victory from the jaws of defeat. Its mostly the constant dissembling, double standards, and general dishonesty which is the mark of this woman, nay this couple.

Mrs. Wolansky made the comment the other night that Hillary is like the little girl on the playground who will antagonize and goad her playmate into hitting her, then scream bloody murder for the teacher. Thats a pretty apt description. But I want to take on another myth that has suddenly materialized from the ether.

Now Clinton is the "strong leader" (by extension Obama is not). This is laughably stupid for many reasons, but let me pose just one obvious one- a "strong leader" does not cry at the prospect of losing the New Hampshire primary, or after getting her ass handed to her in the Potomac primaries. Sorry Hillary, you reaped the benefits, now its time to pay the costs. She should be asked if she is going to break down in tears at the negotiating table because "its not easy?" Is this the pose of a strong leader?

O' Hai...Ohhhh

people in ohio are fucking bigots...Guuuhhh

Cacklin' Cankles Sings Da Blues...

so let's review where the fuck we are at now that three-fifths of dude weekend has officially endorsed barrack obama by way of posts on this blog. on the eve of critical primaries/caucuses in texas and ohio (as well as other states) i am making a prediction that clinton is out by the end of the week. that's just me, and it feels good to write it...

but, i have this sneaking suspicion. it is as andrew sullivan put it; it's that eerie quiet before the storm. the clinton machine could come back to shame us all. but, speaking of shameful, let's just give a cursory rundown of the shitty tactics recently embraced by the queeen of beefy achilles heels...yeah, i know i am getting porky too, so shut your fucking mouth.

first and foremost, there is the shameful somali garb incident, which the knowledgeable stan-wise gamgee has commented on. disgrace.

then there is the plagiarized "red phone" ad by clinton's campaign that highlights her utterly non-existent foreign policy credentials. hey, cacklin', you didn't have security clearance during bill's presidency...ergo, you weren't in the room to help with these decisions...go fuck yourself.

then, boys and girls, there is the latest smear that the clinton campaign tried to unload against sen. obama. face it, sister, you are acting like a ferret backed into a corner because you were completely deficient in your campaign planning. i hope your self-entitlement tastes bitter because for me it's on the other side of the tongue. it's oh so sweet. perhaps you will prove me wrong, and perhaps you are "just getting started," as you have said. but, if you happen to squeak by (yes, that is the sound you make when speaking) in this nomination process, you will always have it hanging over your head that you are a conniving whiner. the more your campaign threatens to sue the texas democratic party the more you are exposed as an elitist who will do anything to win because you feel as though you "deserve" to.

in summation, i don't like you, sen. clinton. i will be very disappointed if you win the democratic nomination because i do not think you deserve it. your tactics in the past few weeks are telling of your quality as a person and your potential as a president. that can be summed up in one word: petty.

i'll take hope; so you can take your shit somewhere else. fucker.

god, i wanted this post to be much funnier...

como se dice "Cackling Cankles?"

Scene: Nondescript auditorium

Hillary: "And thats why, America, I can be your Presid...what? an opportunity for pandering? Where?!?!?!"


/cackles with excitement

Hillary: Oh come here my little caramel-colored totem! You're dressed up like a little mariachi! How cute!


/turns toward crowd, cackling softly to herself

Hillary: You know I am part Hispanic? Want proof? I love hot peppers, Hispanics love hot peppers, must be Hispanics! What's that you say? It IS quite a coincidence that I said this as it became clear I need to win Texas. Wait, Hispanic people live in Texas? I didn't know. Really, I didn't.

/sheds tear

Throw-Away Sunday

once reserved for the saturday occuring on a three-day weekend, the term "throw-away" must now be, at least for the next few weeks, reserved for sundays and the end of another NFL season. for the next seven-plus months i have no excuse for getting, as Switters would call it, "maintenance" done on saturday so i can vegetate on stan wolansky's couch to watch football...

/six million remembered

but, wait...what's this?!?!? a primary race that resembles the last weeks of the regular season!?! holy shit, i may just have something to watch.


i know i am mixing boxing and football metaphors...so what, cock?

barack obama has now won eight consecutive primaries or caucuses and leads in the delegate count. i know that hillary clinton has the potential to carry texas, ohio, and pennsylvania, thus winning the delegate count. but, DON'T YOU REALIZE...this is like a 12-2 team winning its division and securing a bye week with two weeks to play. do you pull your starters and avoid injury to key players (the traditional choice)? or, do you strategize to keep your players in the zone so they will not be rusty after three weeks of rest?

the momentum is shifting obama's way despite clinton being the favorite out of the gate. she is avoiding wisconsin to a large extent, a mistake to some pundits, as she is giving up on a state that closely reflects her core constituency much like ohio. instead, she is settling for the big guns and focusing on texas...the equivalent of pulling all your starters for three weeks and hoping for the best in the regionals. i...think...i have found...a solution to...the darkness that is creeping...FOR THE LOVE OF GOD PUT SOME FUCKING FOOTBALL ON!!!!!!!!!!

mutually assured dudeweekend

when bitter enemies start threating nuclear strikes on each other, its good to know such calm, serious professionals are in charge.*


*yes, I know Amir Peretz is no longer in charge, but still.

The Cacklin' Cankles

"ACK ACK ACK ACK ACK ACK ACK"

...ugh, pantsuit