hollywood, stfu

Everyone hold your applause. Like MacArthur's promise at Corregidor I return to this bitch. And true to form I'm going to blog about politics, but not about the presidential race. Soon you will get the Orlando Magic offseason preview/draft prospectus but right now I'm going to make some dipshit Hollywood types bite the curb.

One of my biggest pet peeves is someone who jams a political message down your throat from a position where they have no business doing this. I could digress into a long post on this subject a la the Vocation Lectures, but I wont. Thank me later. And though in my experience its mainly liberals who do this (think of your college professors), conservatives do it too. Its basically a false pretenses argument- you have to go to class to learn about history, but your professor takes the opportunity to give a captive audience their political views. More egregious is the entertainment industry. You sit down to watch a movie, and you have to put up with a caricatured, stilted view of reality that reflects the political and ideological predilections of its creator(s).

At bottom this is about vanity- people become so convinced of their own importance (because they make good movies) that they feel the need to use this newfound authority to "speak out." To take a particularly pitiful example, think of Robert Redford. The man knows his way around a film. But when he moves over into the producer or director's chair because hes got some societal or political ill he wants to address, very quickly he finds out that the audience generally doesn't share his view of the world. This is America, we want to see car crashes, shoot-outs, explosions, tits, and shiny things (not necessarily in that order). We dont want to have to sit through two hours of hectoring and brow-beating by some narcissistic, solipsistic ass. Fuck.

Which brings me to what started this whole bitch session. Last night I watched The Andromeda Strain on A&E. Not that one, this one. I was pumped because dudes generally like movies about infections, but man was this one bad. The production values and all were ok, not great but ok. The CGI was shit, which was surprising for a project produced by Ridley Scott. There is also a painfully obvious 28 Days Later rip off, but you will have to sit through this mess to see that one. On the good side, one guy cuts his own head off with a chainsaw which was pretty rad.

But worst of all, the creators were so far up their own asses that they didnt see what a joke their project was becoming. They were so intent on creating a false (not to mention insultingly stupid) dichotomy between liberals=good/conservatives=bad that they fucked up a very promising project. Look. You've got an organism that kills within seconds. Its bad enough. You dont need to puff it up with bullshit subplots about government malfeasance, enviromental degredation and destruction, and corporate 'ner do welling. The novel was so good because everything political was ultra subtle and very ambiguous. In this miniseries, it was about as subtle as kick to the tailbone.

In the first half an hour they trotted out these predictable and trite cliches:

1. A Republican Administration is in charge. Why bother with actually doing any of the heavy lifting of writing, character development, etc... when you can just use your sure shorthand for incompetence and evil?

2. The sinister defense secretary is a conscious mix of Rumsfeld and Cheney. The perfect villian willing to do everything necessary to protect Andromeda, even lie to the President. There are scattered references to other biological disasters, e.g. "you remember Houston, don't you?" that apparently occurred under his stewardship. Thanks for spelling that out. We now know that he is a win-at-all-costs, bottom line type of guy with extreme, unchecked power and no conscience.

3. The NSA is recording everyone's phone conversations, tracking people down, and executing them. The idea of a rouge intelligence agency secretly controlling everything? Well, at least no one can say you're not original.

4. The President is currently trying to drill for minerals near undersea vents over the objections of environmentalists. Also, the company that is doing the drilling has some financial relationship with the president. I don't remember the exact name of the company (it was on screen for about 3 seconds) but i do remember it rhymed with Halliburton. Seriously.

5. The microbiology team assembled to combat the virus. In the book, it was all white men. OK, it was 1969, perhaps thats a little dated, if reflective of the time. But in 2007 the team is comfortably multicultural/multiracial/gender inclusive- a Hispanic man, a white woman, an Asian man, a black woman, and a gay white man (which actually is an interesting riff on the Odd Man Hypothesis). It looked like a goddamn Volkswagen commercial.

Keep in mind, all this occurred in the FIRST HALF HOUR of a four-hour miniseries. As it goes on you can see some more. Look, someone has to be the bad guy and, given how they've run the country into the ground over the past 8 years it might as well be the Republicans. But having this constantly and crudely shoved down your throat really ruins what could have been a really interesting remake.

two severely broken cankles

so Hillary, you like symbolism? So I guess if the filly in the derby breaks down and has to be put out of her misery after losing to Big Brown, then that means...

Real Foreign Affairs Experience

Its been a few weeks since dudeweekend took Barack Obama into their tender mouths so I guess we're overdue. As loyal readers of dudeweekend (all one of them) will know, we have relentlessly hated on the pantsuited monster for all manner of her bullshit. But the one issue that really sticks in my crawl is this whole recent line of attack that she has more foreign policy experience than Obama owing to her time as first lady. Anyone with half a brain knows this is ridiculous even without Hillary lying to them about snipers and ducking for cover. But lately Barack Obama put his finger on another really important point. He said

"When Senator Clinton brags 'I've met leaders from eighty countries'--I know what those trips are like! I've been on them. You go from the airport to the embassy. There's a group of children who do native dance. You meet with the CIA station chief and the embassy and they give you a briefing. You go take a tour of a plant that [with] the assistance of USAID has started something. And then--you go."

This is exactly right. It reminds me of a dipshit I see at meetings all around DC of assorted Very Important People. He is always shooting his mouth off about "the situation" in Iraq or somesuch, always bragging about what he knows, who he knows, and how he knows it, how his information is much better than yours, because you dont have the "sources" he does. Honest to god, I was at a meeting where he challenged a quite senior defense department official and insinuated that the official was being played because Mr. Dipshit's "sources" in that country had told him something different. This type of crap is why I hate DC.

This type of stinking asshole is actually pretty common in DC. Its the guy who jets into a country, takes a limo past the stinking slums and narrow alleyways, checks in to his 5 star hotel, goes downstairs to the conference center and attends a seminar with assorted government bigwigs (all of whom speak English and wear nice suits), then on the way back up to his hotel room he stops and asks the bellhop "so what do you think about X?" And then the douchebag gets in his limo, goes to the airport, and goes home, where he tells everyone who will listen what the mood on "the street" in said country is.

Which brings me back to Barry O. If youve read his autobiography (and really, there is no excuse if you havent) you'll know that Obama has actually spent time in a foreign country. Not 3 nights in a five star hotel with a post-conference dinner at the attached Ruth's Chris, but living in a sprawling Indonesian suburb, a dusty African capital, or a teeming South Asian metropolis. This is real knowledge of foreign affairs, tangible knowledge of how people think and act in different contexts, based on rationales sunk deep into cultural and social networks. This is the polar opposite of Hillary Clinton and her "knowledge" of foreign affairs, filled as it is with obsequious foreign officials, scheming businessmen, and slick spokesmen, people who have more in common with her philandering husband than they do with their countrymen who work at the fucking noodle stand down the road.

Its this superficial, wishful thinking type of "knowledge" that leads people to argue that "we will, in fact, be greeted as liberators" in Iraq or that Hamas can't be popularly elected because, hey, Mahmoud Abbas and all of his cronies speak English and drink whiskey, and we like them, so obviously the Palestinian people should also. With a few exceptions, this is the knowledge of the Bush Administration. Its the knowledge of McCain and Clinton as well.

As long as we're here...

This certainly deserves another airing, in my mind...

This is an e-mail in response to this article:

it's like the clinton campaign is living in a parallel bizarro world...the whole time i was reading the linked article i was thinking "why the hell are they highlighting his numerical advantages???"

then i remembered that it is the same horribly mismanaged campaign that we have seen collapse like a flan in a cupboard (hat tip: eddie izzard) over the past month. the logical gymnastics of clinton's campaign are utterly mind blowing: the ferraro fiasco (tm) was obama's fault (according to ferraro and clinton's campaign manager); he plagiarizes one of his top advisers (even though gov. deval gave him permission to use the "just words" line) but she steals john edwards' parting shots about "we're going to be just fine" and her supporters start chanting "yes, she can;" the fact that she is "mathematically" out of the hunt but she wants to suggest obama can be her running mate (the serpentine logic of why he would be a good running mate but not a good commander-in-chief is just too rich to elucidate, even here); her foreign policy "experience" being greater than obama's despite numerous key players coming out and saying she has exaggerated her role in many of the situations she has taken credit for (bosnia, rwanda, china, northern ireland)...many people have been fired, publicly disgraced, and ruined for this last point alone; she has essentially embellished her resume.

again, this latter point brings up some of my earlier inquiries as to why obama is not playing up his role as an intrepid advocate in chicago politics early in his career. he is essentially neglecting his resume while she is making one up as she goes. if he truly wants to change the tone in washington then he should reflect back to the instances when presidential nominees were not always crusading charlatans, strictly shooting for 1600 penn. ave. many former presidents cut their teeth in local politics first to show their mettle and then took it national...christ, the best hillary has done is shit out an ugly baby by bill's fetid penis.

the creepy thing about her campaign is that she is obviously delusional (almost to a clinical degree...for serious) and her advisers are all drinking from the kool-aid fountain. if obama cannot do it then let his surrogates do it for him, as was suggested in The Root, and ask clinton (a la jack nicholson from the shining) "are you out of your fucking mind?"

from mississippi, with love

slight modification from the original here

O' Hai...Ohhhh

people in ohio are fucking bigots...Guuuhhh

welcome, dimwits

The Obama campaign has huge implications for race relations in this country. For one, electing a black man president would seriously stifle claims about racism in this country. No, it would not silence them (because racism does still exist), but it would make it much harder to reflexively cry racism whenever something goes awry. I, for one, am thoroughly enjoying the teeth gnashing and wailing of the assorted racial ambulance chasers at the prospect of an Obama presidency. Unsurprisingly, these dubious characters are clustered around the Clinton campaign where they cling to their candidate like a tick clings to a mutt. These hucksters have buttressed their self-appointed position as representative and arbiter of the "black community" through their proximity to the Clinton's power, while the Clintons have benefited by being able to claim the support of the "black community." Of course, the prospect of Obama upsetting this comfy little applecart cant go unchallenged.

Witness this retard:


I don't even know where to begin. His "native country?" Which country would that be? Somalia? And that would make you...

So it comes to this...

What a fucking disgrace. I am holding this spot for a particularly vitriolic rant based upon this article.

I find it shameful that this subject is a part of American politics, let alone the race for the presidency. This is why I do not vote in these dog and pony shows. An educated woman being criticized for a thesis that she wrote more than 20 years ago?!?!? On top of that, she is being criticized for writing about identity in American, especially Ivy League, institutions. Are you fucking kidding me?!?! If this had been a Jewish or Arab or Asian student, this would have been viewed as a harmless thesis, perhaps even given a "best thesis" award.

Go fuck yourselves hard and long, media outlets. Forgive me for sounding like a curmudgeon, but I hope you choke on the big bigoted dick that you are sucking. You are a disgusting lot if you let this story breathe anymore. Fucking drop dead and leave it to the civil among us to make our decisions. You deserve a painful life.

BOGSAT...

aka: Bunch of Guys Sitting Around a Table
aka: Bald Old Guys Sitting Around a Table

This article brings up some issues that are going to be some real sticking points for the next administration, especially the Democrats and especially Obama. While Obama wants "preparation" rather than "preconditions," he will be hard-pressed to get either without some help from the intelligence community as much as the diplomatic corps. Essentially we are looking at war-fighting versus forecasting. The IC is not robust enough to do both...or even one of those unimpeachably. Will the trend that Ackerman discusses hamper that? I think it is something that all three of the candidates will have to address come January 2009.

money quote:

There needs to be a semi-independent voice that voices the broader strategic perspectives and is not driven by the [intelligence] demands of day," said Robert Hutchings, who chaired the National Intelligence Council from 2003 until 2005. "The worry is not that Mike Hayden and Mike McConnell happen to be military officers; it’s that the system is now skewed to current intelligence, driven by military operations. That’s leaving too little left over for strategic analysis of what’s going on more broadly. And that leads to [an echo chamber effect]: this is what’s presented to policy-makers, and it just reinforces the worldview they began with.

And, why do all of these dudes look like photos of the same guy taken at varying intervals??? For fuck sake, can we not change it up a little bit?!?!?!

COMING SOON: Japan Watch, Vol. 2

Washington, DC Kennel Club

for the first time in the history of the westminster kennel club a beagle won best in show. i love animals; I FUCKING LOVE THEM!!! the four cats i have lived with throughout my life (even the pooter queen herself, shadow, who is no longer with us, god rest her soul) and the pets of my friends and loved ones are just as important to me as many humans. sorry, bi-peds, but sometimes you all just suck. so, i get excited about the dog show every year.

why do i mention this? well, for one, i am actually excited about the 2008 presidential campaign, and this is the first time i have ever felt as such. i mention the dog show because historically i have been much more likely to vote in that contest than any political beauty pageant until now. even with that said, i am still skeptical--forever will be--and i reserve my right to withdraw my enthusiasm at the drop of a hat...or a bald-face, blatant fucking lie.

in full disclosure, i have never voted. the only reason i know what it looks or smells like within a polling place is because i always accompanied my parents to vote in my youth, and because i volunteered at our local polling station during high school. believe me, i have been called all sorts of things for this, including hypocrit, bad citizen, just another complainer, and shithead...i am not even sure that last one had anything to do with my not having ever voted. but, i have always maintained that it is my right to NOT vote. of course it is. no one can force me to do anything.

for those detractors who tell me that i cannot complain BECAUSE i do not vote, i have one thing to say: yes, i can. i can complain about anything i fucking want to, especially the current state of politics in this country. even moreso, i choose to mount a complaint with one of the most powerful things i have: my vote. let's put it another way. you are telling me that i cannot aptly comment on the political situation in this country because i refuse to choose between two charlatans who, once elected, back out on their promises like a prom date who finds out the girl he coaxed into fucking him in the limo is now knocked up?

i can completely understand the opinion that denounces any non-voters, for i am not trying to say that those who do vote, even when the candidates are not ideal, are not enlightened. that shit is annoying and should be saved for dread-locked hippies who judge you while handing out flyers on the street...we can all join in on the universal desire to smash their shins with a bat and tell them to get the fuck out of our faces with their tripe.

but give me a fucking break! instead, look at my decision like a boycott. if wal-mart treats its employees like shit or if softsoap tests on animals, what do you do, ever smart and virtuous consumer? you DO NOT buy their products. if you find that the diner in your neighborhood is not paying its busboys (who happen to be three-fourths hispanic) a reasonable wage, do you eat there? fuck no!!!! you're a responsible and worldly New York Times-reading urbanite.

so, i choose to boycott the two party system in this country. some say that not voting does not work because i am, at the end of the day, just forfeiting my voice in favor of those who oppose my view. well, the same contention is levied against boycotts and embargoes and other forms of protest. just because you do not choose to buy there does not mean others will not. does that make you any less relevant? why, of course not. but, why are those methods acceptable forms of dissention and the former not?

so, get off my back about not voting. perhaps this year i will. i am actually inspired by a candidate who is not a carpetbagger or a curmudgeoned fairweather politico...oh, wait that describes clinton and mccain, both (and for the record, "hope" is never a platitude, you two fear-mongering beasts...i hope you both end up in the darkness of your own rhetoric without a torch). let's face it, the two party system is fucking broken and it does not represent anyone, let alone the typical american. fuck the pandering and the rhetoric. i am not going to vote for, as so many put it, the "lesser of two evils" because the world is not black or white, and i don't want ANY evil in a position of power. i'd rather vote for the fucking beagle...

como se dice "Cackling Cankles?"

Scene: Nondescript auditorium

Hillary: "And thats why, America, I can be your Presid...what? an opportunity for pandering? Where?!?!?!"


/cackles with excitement

Hillary: Oh come here my little caramel-colored totem! You're dressed up like a little mariachi! How cute!


/turns toward crowd, cackling softly to herself

Hillary: You know I am part Hispanic? Want proof? I love hot peppers, Hispanics love hot peppers, must be Hispanics! What's that you say? It IS quite a coincidence that I said this as it became clear I need to win Texas. Wait, Hispanic people live in Texas? I didn't know. Really, I didn't.

/sheds tear

Throw-Away Sunday

once reserved for the saturday occuring on a three-day weekend, the term "throw-away" must now be, at least for the next few weeks, reserved for sundays and the end of another NFL season. for the next seven-plus months i have no excuse for getting, as Switters would call it, "maintenance" done on saturday so i can vegetate on stan wolansky's couch to watch football...

/six million remembered

but, wait...what's this?!?!? a primary race that resembles the last weeks of the regular season!?! holy shit, i may just have something to watch.


i know i am mixing boxing and football metaphors...so what, cock?

barack obama has now won eight consecutive primaries or caucuses and leads in the delegate count. i know that hillary clinton has the potential to carry texas, ohio, and pennsylvania, thus winning the delegate count. but, DON'T YOU REALIZE...this is like a 12-2 team winning its division and securing a bye week with two weeks to play. do you pull your starters and avoid injury to key players (the traditional choice)? or, do you strategize to keep your players in the zone so they will not be rusty after three weeks of rest?

the momentum is shifting obama's way despite clinton being the favorite out of the gate. she is avoiding wisconsin to a large extent, a mistake to some pundits, as she is giving up on a state that closely reflects her core constituency much like ohio. instead, she is settling for the big guns and focusing on texas...the equivalent of pulling all your starters for three weeks and hoping for the best in the regionals. i...think...i have found...a solution to...the darkness that is creeping...FOR THE LOVE OF GOD PUT SOME FUCKING FOOTBALL ON!!!!!!!!!!

the perils of identity politics

file this under the revolution eating its children...


this portion of the very famous tryptich from one of my favorite artists is also prominently displayed on the label of one of my favorite beers. some dude trivia for you.

The Cacklin' Cankles

"ACK ACK ACK ACK ACK ACK ACK"

...ugh, pantsuit

why i hate DC

Dear God. "There were the post-primary and post-SOTU phone conversations, in which Walters, a lobbyist for the Livingston Group, conference-called her closest friends inside the Beltway. They spent hours dissecting what was said and what was worn...Naturally, there will be a Super Tuesday bash tonight..."But seriously," says Walters, 35. "Doesn't everyone do this?"

But seriously, fuck you. Now where did I put my machine gun?

Give me a break

Are you fucking kidding me? Is this really an issue for Congress to be concerning themselves with? The last thing they need to be concerning themselves with is a fucking issue that the NFL dealt with promptly and appropriately 5 MONTHS AGO!

The dog and pony shows in Congress really need to stop. Seriously, how does this even fall under their realm of remotely fucking important compared with other stuff like, oh, war, protection of civil liberties, blah, blah, blah. The steriods thing kind of makes sense considering they are illegal substances under US law, but that is still a situation where Congress is unnecessarily inserting themselves.

However, this comment really takes the cake and has my bloodpressure going this morning:

"That requires an explanation," Specter told The Times. "The NFL has a very preferred status in our country with their antitrust exemption. The American people are entitled to be sure about the integrity of the game. It's analogous to the CIA destruction of tapes, or any time you have records destroyed."

Seriously? This is the same as the CIA destroying tapes that relate to national security and the protection of human rights? FUCK YOU!

With all due respect Senator Spector, it may be time for you to retire and pass America's future to someone who understands the importance of the office you hold.

welcome to costco, i love you

if there is one thing stan wolansky knows, its fiscal and monetary policy. This 1/2 point rate cut strikes me as panicky, exactly the kind of thing that inspires confidence.


Hey America! (stimulus) package for you!

Update! 17,000wned.

One more voice to the chorus

I can't let this one pass without comment. $32 f-ing million in one month! 170,000 new donors! This is fucking democracy in action. This is campaign is not about policies. It is about electing a man who could actually inspire individuals to do what is best for our community and our society. It has been said a million times but we haven't seen true leadership like this since JFK. No other candidate comes close to the universal appeal as Obama, and don't give me bullshit about no experience. He has served in elected office longer than Hillary Clinton (sorry, riding your husbands coattails doesn't count) and will certainly surround himself with the right people from day one.

Imagine the type of inaugural address we could have on January 20, 2009. I guarantee that it will give you chills.

With Clinton we are guaranteed at least four years of constant attacks from the right starting day one. And we get the added bonus of reliving the ridiculous scandals of the 1990's. Good luck getting any piece of major legislation passed!

Smackdown!

The last thing I want to do is get involved in a debate of the plausibility of Mormonism. However, I can't deny the smackdown Hertzberg lays on Romney in his New Yorker blog post . As Hertzberg clearly points out you can't have it both ways and say that there should not be a religious litmus test for candidates, then profess your belief that Jesus is the Son of God (in effect playing right into the litmus test you just denounced), then become upset when people question the tenets of you own religious faith (which has many detractors including many of the largest Christian denominations in the US).

Romney should have taken a page out of JFK's playbook and stated that as president he will only answer to the American people, not the President of his church. I think that would have finally ended this discussion.

its all about force protection

Imagine, for a moment, that you were one of the Iraqis who volunteered their services as translators for the U.S. military. In return, what were you expecting? Probably not this. I imagine a gruff U.S. soldier yelling "Hey Ahmed! You really want to be helpful? Why dont you take your Huffy and go recon that street up ahead? Make sure to give a little kick to any strange boxes by the side of the road!"


Jesus. Forget asylum in the U.S., or even a chance to fight for a spot on the skids of the last helicopter out of the Green Zone, how about just letting him ride in the humvee? Even the little Iraqi street urchins in the background are laughing in anticipation of how spectacularly he is going to get his shit wrecked.