Cacklin' Cankles Sings Da Blues...

so let's review where the fuck we are at now that three-fifths of dude weekend has officially endorsed barrack obama by way of posts on this blog. on the eve of critical primaries/caucuses in texas and ohio (as well as other states) i am making a prediction that clinton is out by the end of the week. that's just me, and it feels good to write it...

but, i have this sneaking suspicion. it is as andrew sullivan put it; it's that eerie quiet before the storm. the clinton machine could come back to shame us all. but, speaking of shameful, let's just give a cursory rundown of the shitty tactics recently embraced by the queeen of beefy achilles heels...yeah, i know i am getting porky too, so shut your fucking mouth.

first and foremost, there is the shameful somali garb incident, which the knowledgeable stan-wise gamgee has commented on. disgrace.

then there is the plagiarized "red phone" ad by clinton's campaign that highlights her utterly non-existent foreign policy credentials. hey, cacklin', you didn't have security clearance during bill's presidency...ergo, you weren't in the room to help with these decisions...go fuck yourself.

then, boys and girls, there is the latest smear that the clinton campaign tried to unload against sen. obama. face it, sister, you are acting like a ferret backed into a corner because you were completely deficient in your campaign planning. i hope your self-entitlement tastes bitter because for me it's on the other side of the tongue. it's oh so sweet. perhaps you will prove me wrong, and perhaps you are "just getting started," as you have said. but, if you happen to squeak by (yes, that is the sound you make when speaking) in this nomination process, you will always have it hanging over your head that you are a conniving whiner. the more your campaign threatens to sue the texas democratic party the more you are exposed as an elitist who will do anything to win because you feel as though you "deserve" to.

in summation, i don't like you, sen. clinton. i will be very disappointed if you win the democratic nomination because i do not think you deserve it. your tactics in the past few weeks are telling of your quality as a person and your potential as a president. that can be summed up in one word: petty.

i'll take hope; so you can take your shit somewhere else. fucker.

god, i wanted this post to be much funnier...

The Birth of Nonsense

--dan monday, october 2002--

right on, spongebob squarepants, i will be ready whenever you are, so just let me know the details of your eye exam...study hard. however, i will not endorse such things fully unless you give me a promise on full faith and credit that you will get indie glasses and wear them throughout your political career (chucks are optional)...then you can form an indie political party called the tiennamen squares, which will only be based upon the most pure and benevolent forms of democracy and universal human rights, whereby you can hold the dual role of party leader and minister of rock...i will be the minister of foreign affairs and general cynicism along with my honorable colleague stan "i cant help that i dont give a shit about your rights, you prol" wolansky in order to form the hegelian dialectic and acheive the support and good graces of the world over as we deny our position of forcing them under OUR wings so that we might do the greatest good as the greatest political party on the planet: establish the wind on which they fly. our principles would be based on a) rock; b) all things british (excluding the pussified "third way"); c) pints for all; d) the city paper; e) taking the fifth damn cheeseburger away from your mouth; f) salmon three times a week; g) biking to work; h) foregoing that seventh BMW in three years; i) universal rights of man; j) taking your head out of the fucking cave; k) terrorism bad, muslims good; l) CEOs should not govern; m) we do this only if we are chosen to do so...and i present to you the manifesto for the next fifty years of our lives.