Its all about ME!

Last night Stan just settled down to some microwaved leftovers and a beer while wifey was watching TV. I defer to the wife on TV during the weekdays and she lets me have at it during the weekend. Since football season is coming up I'm not going to make a fuss of it.

Anyways, WE (t.v. for womyn!) and 20/20 was showing a special on "open adoptions," hosted by none other than Babwa Wawa. Horrible symmetry. For those of you too lazy to click through, an "open adoption" is where the birth mother stays in contact with the adoptive parents. This "special" is actually a reality show, where five couples compete (yes, compete) for a baby, soon to be squeezed out by a fecund 16 year old whose high school boyfriend plowed her in the backseat of his Chevy Cavalier. Obviously this is controversial, and true to form, critics and supporters both have their say about it. But this idiot carnival actually illustrates something far more insidious than a pervasive reality show culture where people feel the need to display their most private, intimate affairs.

The "winners" with their "prize." Nice eyebrows dad. Or should I say Mr. Smalley...

This show is an almost perfect indictment of our own insipid, narcissistic culture. Everything is about me. I am the measure of all things. I need a new pair of shoes, a car, a house, or even a baby. We take out subprime loans and amass credit card debt because we deserve to be instantly gratified. Even the title of the show plays into it... "A Child is Waiting"- waiting for YOU! Don't let them wait any longer! To wit- when one of the families got eliminated there were some tears, but they vanished when the producers jumped in with a consolation baby, dutifully snapped up by the couple.

But narcissism isn't really about instant gratification, its about you. These families want a kid, great. Adoption? Even better... a true selfless act in a sea of selfishness. But an "open adoption?" They want one because it sounds so progressive and they can brag to their upper-class friends about how they have "invested" the lower class birth mother in raising the child. And of course, there is a whole industry built up around providing these open adoptions so lets jump right in. Oh, but please make some room for the cameras.

Caught up in all the fuss about "God's blessing" and the treacly "miracle" of adoption bullshit is that noone really gives a fuck about the kid. Sure the parents understand the whole open adoption procedure, and have read enough on the internet and met with self described counselors so that they are experts. But picture this kid, puttering along fine until about his twelfth birthday or so when he suddenly realizes something is not quite right. Mindfuck time. Why did my birth mother (who he knows as "Pam") leave me? Why didn't she care enough about me to raise me as her son? What did I do wrong? And what the hell is my relationship supposed to be with these two adults who have raised me? Shit sandwich, son. Take a bite. It will be a minor miracle if this kid isn't a sociopath. This is why adoptive children don't know their birth parents until they are emotionally and mentally capable of understanding the dynamics. Even then, its gotta be wrenching as hell to experience all of the emotions.

But who cares about that? To the mom, and the adoptive family, and Babwa Wawa, its all love and happiness and unicorns farting rainbows. Why are they so cavalier? Because to them the child is not a person, with feelings, hes just a fashion accessory, an accoutrement. Hes the living equivalent of a wholefoods tote bag, advertising that whoever carries one is not only socially conscious and progressive, they are waaaaay fucking cooler than you. And both of you know it. In many ways its not really surprising that a child is the next step in this arms race, but deep down I'd like to think we can muster enough outrage to subject these monsters to their deserved amount of ridicule.

The world, that understandable and lawful world, was slipping away.

File this one under good in theory... Ron Paul compounds. "The goal of Paulville.org it [sic] to establish gated communities containing 100% Ron Paul supporters and or people that live by the ideals of freedom and liberty."

How long until this becomes the adult version of Lord of the Flies?

"Oh shit, help! my house is on fire!"
"Sorry Stan, you decided not to pay the fire department tax."

via triumph of bullshit

wow

thats all I can say.

Half-Formed Ruminations (And Other Questions We'll Never Get Around To): Tongue Waggin' Fer Jesus

i watched the documentary jesus camp the other night, and the only word to describe it is terrifying. it is a surreal experience to see a ten year old say with a smile on their face that they want to become a martyr for christ...guuuhhhhh. if the kids' names were hesham and mohammed you can guaran-goddamn-tee that this camp would be raided by a team of federal agents faster than one can say "allahu akbar." instead, these kids have nice (ugh) christian names like levi and rachel...wait, did i say christian? sorry, i meant hebrew...their bad.

anyway, these little angels of fire and brimstone are just full of rote parroting of how jesus hates sinners and abortion and evolution and dancing and harry potter...these kids say the world is going to shit more than a crotchety septuagenarian. but, i am pretty sure that they (or even their parents for that matter) could not tell you in rational terms why. of course, i will give them the benefit of the doubt because they are impressionable children...because another thing these kids also seem full of is loneliness. they are always filmed alone and they don't seem to really connect with other kids, even the other kids at jesus camp...perhaps because they are so damn afraid of going to hell. and, one reason i know that it is the adults who deserve to be ritually beaten is that these kids are full of something else: tears. lots and lots of tears. these people love to make children cry!!!


while violence can be cathartic in the mind, i am not prone to violence. besides, we all know that christians will just turn the other cheek so you are tempted to smack that one too. so, i thought let's use a little science...evangelicals really hate that shit.

one thing about evangelical service is channeling the holy spirit by speaking in tongues...which essentially sounds like a 6 month old gurgling strained gerber peas. hell, i remember making those same sounds as a kid when i was trying to impersonate someone speaking a foreign language. but, the prayer warriors will tell you that this is the holy ghost speaking through them...perhaps, but let's put it to the rigors of the god-hating witch's brew that is the scientific method.

idea for a research paper or longer study:
have a linguist and a neurologist to examine the cognitive formation of language skills in individuals to see if they favor certain sounds, words, and syllables in their adult speech patterns based on how they learned language. in other words, do the language parts of out brain develop pathways for certain words and sounds in a way that we become more predisposed to these sounds and therefore patterns of word use over time? if so, can we then record someone "speaking in tongues" to distinguish whether or not they are really channeling a higher power or randomly selecting the sounds and syllables around which their use of language has been formed?

this may be a difficult or impossible study to conduct, but that's why it is on a blog and not in a refereed journal. but, for god's sake, stop making kids cry, and knock off all that jibber jabber.

Religious Relativism...Wait, What???

so the archbishop of canterbury made the news last week with this rousing bit of logic on Sharia in Britain. in short, this so-called man of great faith thinks that Britain should allow for culture courts that settle disputes under the laws and norms of their respective communities rather than the laws of land. uhhh, you say one shouldn't have to make "the stark alternatives of cultural loyalty or state loyalty???" um, yes, they should. that is the basis for the rule of law, one of the fundamental principles of modern society. and, they should especially when half the population in these communities is ritually disenfranchised. in modern society, the only veil that should be worn is a veil of ignorance.



also, how much of a faithful leader can you be when you cannot even stick up for your own culture? as the wise christopher hitchens has said, "to hell with the archbishop of canterbury."

[A]n approach to law which simply said "there's one law for everybody and that's all there is to be said, and anything else that commands your loyalty or allegiance is completely irrelevant in the processes of the courts"—I think that's a bit of a danger.

aside from the utterly baffling philosophical implications of this quote, the more obvious fallacy should be apparent to even the simplest among us. excuse me, bishop, but is it not your job to teach that God supposedly decreed that there is one law for everybody and that is all there is to be said?

Africa...still?

Looks like it's about time for another charity concert. Somewhere Sting is warming up and sipping hot Rooibos tea.

and on the eighth day...

Isnt there something in the bible about this?