Happy Labor Day

Many Americans think that this three day weekend was created in honor of work.  Actually, it was created in honor of the American labor movement.  You see, in the 19th century, union work stoppages were met with violence and killing.  Then Congress decided we could have a holiday saying the Labor movement was a-ok.

"Oh, I always wanted to be a Teamster; so lazy and surly."  

Now, in the 21st century, labor unions protect workers from unpaid overtime.  At least until the robots take our jobs.  Three cheers for labor day and the labor movement!

Dude Weekend Cooks: Root Beer Pork Loin

This dude was happy to cook for Mr. and Mrs. Brown in August.  I put together a recipe I enjoyed the prior weekend.  It was a big hit!

1 pork loin
1 can/bottle of root beer - I used IBC
1 white onion
BBQ sauce
Slider rolls

Slice the onion and place in slow cooker.  Next, pour the root beer.  Finally, drop the pork anchor.  Cook on lower in the slow cooker for about four hours, until it reaches 145 F.  Drain, reserving some of the cooking water.  Mix it up with a little bit of BBQ sauce - enough to just coat.  Leave more out as a condiment.  Viola!

NPR and Gary Clark Jr. - new album!!!

Homer loves the blues.  And because he loves the blues, he loves Gary Clark Jr.  His new album is being featured right now at NPR.  They're streaming the whole thing.  Take a listen dudes.

Charles Haley - big congrats

A special congratulations to five time Super Bowl winner Charles Haley for his induction into the NFL Hall of Fame.  Son of Campbell County, VA, he was a four year starter at James Madison University before playing for the 49ers and the Cowboys.  Charles, job well done.  We at Dude Weekend salute you!

Like a phoenix....FROM THE FLAMES!!!!!

Oh no you didn't.  Oh yes I did.

Its all about ME!

Last night Stan just settled down to some microwaved leftovers and a beer while wifey was watching TV. I defer to the wife on TV during the weekdays and she lets me have at it during the weekend. Since football season is coming up I'm not going to make a fuss of it.

Anyways, WE (t.v. for womyn!) and 20/20 was showing a special on "open adoptions," hosted by none other than Babwa Wawa. Horrible symmetry. For those of you too lazy to click through, an "open adoption" is where the birth mother stays in contact with the adoptive parents. This "special" is actually a reality show, where five couples compete (yes, compete) for a baby, soon to be squeezed out by a fecund 16 year old whose high school boyfriend plowed her in the backseat of his Chevy Cavalier. Obviously this is controversial, and true to form, critics and supporters both have their say about it. But this idiot carnival actually illustrates something far more insidious than a pervasive reality show culture where people feel the need to display their most private, intimate affairs.

The "winners" with their "prize." Nice eyebrows dad. Or should I say Mr. Smalley...

This show is an almost perfect indictment of our own insipid, narcissistic culture. Everything is about me. I am the measure of all things. I need a new pair of shoes, a car, a house, or even a baby. We take out subprime loans and amass credit card debt because we deserve to be instantly gratified. Even the title of the show plays into it... "A Child is Waiting"- waiting for YOU! Don't let them wait any longer! To wit- when one of the families got eliminated there were some tears, but they vanished when the producers jumped in with a consolation baby, dutifully snapped up by the couple.

But narcissism isn't really about instant gratification, its about you. These families want a kid, great. Adoption? Even better... a true selfless act in a sea of selfishness. But an "open adoption?" They want one because it sounds so progressive and they can brag to their upper-class friends about how they have "invested" the lower class birth mother in raising the child. And of course, there is a whole industry built up around providing these open adoptions so lets jump right in. Oh, but please make some room for the cameras.

Caught up in all the fuss about "God's blessing" and the treacly "miracle" of adoption bullshit is that noone really gives a fuck about the kid. Sure the parents understand the whole open adoption procedure, and have read enough on the internet and met with self described counselors so that they are experts. But picture this kid, puttering along fine until about his twelfth birthday or so when he suddenly realizes something is not quite right. Mindfuck time. Why did my birth mother (who he knows as "Pam") leave me? Why didn't she care enough about me to raise me as her son? What did I do wrong? And what the hell is my relationship supposed to be with these two adults who have raised me? Shit sandwich, son. Take a bite. It will be a minor miracle if this kid isn't a sociopath. This is why adoptive children don't know their birth parents until they are emotionally and mentally capable of understanding the dynamics. Even then, its gotta be wrenching as hell to experience all of the emotions.

But who cares about that? To the mom, and the adoptive family, and Babwa Wawa, its all love and happiness and unicorns farting rainbows. Why are they so cavalier? Because to them the child is not a person, with feelings, hes just a fashion accessory, an accoutrement. Hes the living equivalent of a wholefoods tote bag, advertising that whoever carries one is not only socially conscious and progressive, they are waaaaay fucking cooler than you. And both of you know it. In many ways its not really surprising that a child is the next step in this arms race, but deep down I'd like to think we can muster enough outrage to subject these monsters to their deserved amount of ridicule.

reunion tour

wasting time

We dudes have an email chain. Im cleaning out my inbox right now and passing alot of the stupid bullshit we talk about every day. Here are some of the best subject lines of the past 5 or so years:

campin', fishin', drinkin', lovin
man-plans
gym short cassanova
what is...things you do to your wife while shes sleeping!
lying to women
nice shorts, dick
ball shadow
India, you assholes
cowboys are my weakness (wtf???)
beard helmet
stinkeye monopoly
club med Karachi
How Isiah Thomas is like Robert Mugabe
Thrustday
Spritz!
Meat Pie Mums
Regurgitating Gordon Wood
Good Luck in the Woods
Sweatshops: Another Day, Another Dollar
Crucial Retard Demographic
Longitudes and Platitudes
Saturday Night's Alright
Dottie Pepper
Happy go-pukey
pillowsnake
dirtnuggistan
Werewolf is Boys Naked
paranoid mandroid

DC mutual masturbation society

Exhibit 10 billion of why I hate DC. Sitting through lunch with one of these self-important assholes would be more like a punishment than a prize. Pass the gin, Dougie.

ummm, what?

OK. My friend and I recently saw this license plate. I know the first thing I thought when I looked at it, he thought the same. So has everyone else to whom I have shown this picture. Now the question for you is, what does this mean? And if it means something other than what everyone thinks it must mean, well, why put it on your license plate in the first place?

The Soft Bigotry of Low Expectations

The current education system is a mess. We have 51 different systems of standards, 51 different systems of accountability, 51 different systems for collecting and analyzing data, we even have 51 different ways of certifying teachers. For 21st century society we are rooted in the 19th century...may as well make the secretary of education start using a horse to travel around the country.

The worst part of this problem is that everyone, regardless of their background or expertise, has an opinion on how to fix it. Perhaps the one area that President Bush could point to as a success in his administration is the passage and implementation of No Child Left Behind. For the first time the federal government stepped in and put teeth behind the movement to equalize the education of every child in America. Long have the feds pushed states to implement standards and curriculum for all subjects and grade levels, however states have dragged their feet. It got to the point that for us to be serious about changing the system a system of rewards and punishments needed to be instituted. Now there are a lot of things wrong with the law and unfortunately the President cannot hang his hat on the implementation because certain folks in the administration screwed things up (see Reading First). But the basic goals are right and if you don't start somewhere then when/where do you start?

One of the biggest criticisms of the law centers on the requirement that all students be tested in reading, math, and science in grades 3-8 and once in high school. The results of the reading and math scores are used to gauge whether schools and districts are adequately educating all of their students. Surprise! Not all schools are doing a good job! As a result we have folks blaming everything from the funding levels to the tests to George Bush for their problems. On this last point identify the two older gentlemen in the background of this picture and get back to me on Bush and the Republicans being at fault for the writing and passage of NCLB.
So, how do we fix the problem? We can start by not putting the blame for failing schools on others! Teachers, principals, superintendents, teacher prep programs, etc need to look in the mirror and decide what they are in control of. The students are not the problem in this equation. It is the adults-worrying more about their job security than educating children-that are holding us back. NCLB is not the problem in America's classrooms. The problems are unprepared teachers, under-funded facilities, culture wars, poor research quality, etc. The next incarnation of NCLB needs to do a better job of addressing these issues but for now local districts and states need to make more of an investment in the classroom and not hide behind federal law.

welcome, dimwits- part II.

Its on now. Looks like someone kicked over the garbage can where the flat earthers and other idiots coexist peacefully alongside the pizza crusts, beer cans, tissues, and used condoms. Now they're spilling out across the pavement and boy are they pissed! Must be something serious...

LIKE THIS!


Maybe you don't see. Well look closer. closer. OMFG RACHAEL RAY IS WEARING A KEFFIYEH!!!!! SHE IS A JIHADIST!!!!!

Oh man this is one train of logic where its just too good to pull the brake lever. Here's a story for you. If the ur-idiot is wearing one, and ceteris paribus she is a jihadist, so are most members of the U.S. special forces who have operated in Afghanistan. If they're jihadists, then we're fucked. In the words of Turkish, proper fucked.


This freedom-loathing meme has even found its way into toys! Idiot brigade, mount up! You've a jihad to do!

hollywood, stfu

Everyone hold your applause. Like MacArthur's promise at Corregidor I return to this bitch. And true to form I'm going to blog about politics, but not about the presidential race. Soon you will get the Orlando Magic offseason preview/draft prospectus but right now I'm going to make some dipshit Hollywood types bite the curb.

One of my biggest pet peeves is someone who jams a political message down your throat from a position where they have no business doing this. I could digress into a long post on this subject a la the Vocation Lectures, but I wont. Thank me later. And though in my experience its mainly liberals who do this (think of your college professors), conservatives do it too. Its basically a false pretenses argument- you have to go to class to learn about history, but your professor takes the opportunity to give a captive audience their political views. More egregious is the entertainment industry. You sit down to watch a movie, and you have to put up with a caricatured, stilted view of reality that reflects the political and ideological predilections of its creator(s).

At bottom this is about vanity- people become so convinced of their own importance (because they make good movies) that they feel the need to use this newfound authority to "speak out." To take a particularly pitiful example, think of Robert Redford. The man knows his way around a film. But when he moves over into the producer or director's chair because hes got some societal or political ill he wants to address, very quickly he finds out that the audience generally doesn't share his view of the world. This is America, we want to see car crashes, shoot-outs, explosions, tits, and shiny things (not necessarily in that order). We dont want to have to sit through two hours of hectoring and brow-beating by some narcissistic, solipsistic ass. Fuck.

Which brings me to what started this whole bitch session. Last night I watched The Andromeda Strain on A&E. Not that one, this one. I was pumped because dudes generally like movies about infections, but man was this one bad. The production values and all were ok, not great but ok. The CGI was shit, which was surprising for a project produced by Ridley Scott. There is also a painfully obvious 28 Days Later rip off, but you will have to sit through this mess to see that one. On the good side, one guy cuts his own head off with a chainsaw which was pretty rad.

But worst of all, the creators were so far up their own asses that they didnt see what a joke their project was becoming. They were so intent on creating a false (not to mention insultingly stupid) dichotomy between liberals=good/conservatives=bad that they fucked up a very promising project. Look. You've got an organism that kills within seconds. Its bad enough. You dont need to puff it up with bullshit subplots about government malfeasance, enviromental degredation and destruction, and corporate 'ner do welling. The novel was so good because everything political was ultra subtle and very ambiguous. In this miniseries, it was about as subtle as kick to the tailbone.

In the first half an hour they trotted out these predictable and trite cliches:

1. A Republican Administration is in charge. Why bother with actually doing any of the heavy lifting of writing, character development, etc... when you can just use your sure shorthand for incompetence and evil?

2. The sinister defense secretary is a conscious mix of Rumsfeld and Cheney. The perfect villian willing to do everything necessary to protect Andromeda, even lie to the President. There are scattered references to other biological disasters, e.g. "you remember Houston, don't you?" that apparently occurred under his stewardship. Thanks for spelling that out. We now know that he is a win-at-all-costs, bottom line type of guy with extreme, unchecked power and no conscience.

3. The NSA is recording everyone's phone conversations, tracking people down, and executing them. The idea of a rouge intelligence agency secretly controlling everything? Well, at least no one can say you're not original.

4. The President is currently trying to drill for minerals near undersea vents over the objections of environmentalists. Also, the company that is doing the drilling has some financial relationship with the president. I don't remember the exact name of the company (it was on screen for about 3 seconds) but i do remember it rhymed with Halliburton. Seriously.

5. The microbiology team assembled to combat the virus. In the book, it was all white men. OK, it was 1969, perhaps thats a little dated, if reflective of the time. But in 2007 the team is comfortably multicultural/multiracial/gender inclusive- a Hispanic man, a white woman, an Asian man, a black woman, and a gay white man (which actually is an interesting riff on the Odd Man Hypothesis). It looked like a goddamn Volkswagen commercial.

Keep in mind, all this occurred in the FIRST HALF HOUR of a four-hour miniseries. As it goes on you can see some more. Look, someone has to be the bad guy and, given how they've run the country into the ground over the past 8 years it might as well be the Republicans. But having this constantly and crudely shoved down your throat really ruins what could have been a really interesting remake.

The price is wrong, bitch.

So the Post today has an article about former White House Press Secretary Scott McLellan's recently released memoirs that lambaste Bush for manipulating the public to justify an unnecessary war in Iraq. I'm going to skip the "no shit, Sherlock" part of the blog (since this is kind of like a weather man telling me rain is wet) and go off on a tangent about people treating their so-called moral high ground as a stock that you sell when the price is highest.

So McLellan supposedly observes and mentally registers all of these perverse political machinations that the Bush administration underwent to justify the White House's war and cover their asses over the Valerie Plame debaucle. But he doesn't say or do shit about it while he is in the institution; he keeps his mouth shut (which, ironically, seems to be the best skill of a White House Press Secretary). He gets his cred, retires in a teary-eyed ceremony on the South Lawn, and becomes a civilian again. Then the tide turns and criticisms of the administration are no longer just left wing rhetoric but a widespread discontent that reaches across the aisles of the Capitol. And low and behold, look who has a memoir talking about how sly and manipulative the Bush administration really is.

I'm not saying McLellan could have singlehandedly whistleblown all of the bullshit that was going on. I understand that hindsight is 20/20, and that as Press Secretary you're in a delicate position to criticize. But if you just sit on these observations until the time is right to make a buck and look like a guy who wasn't part of the problem, you're pretty much a smelly sack of shit. If you didn't think this was important enough to act on at the time it was happening, why do you suddenly feel the need to write memoirs that exposes everything now? Because you've made the tough but correct decision of revealing the truth? Bullshit, because you can cash in on it.

As much as I respect the man, Alan Greenspan did the same thing this last year when he released The Age of Turbulence and handed Bush's ass to him on how his fiscal conservatism was anything but. Chairman of the Fed is widely known to be the most powerful man in the world; something tells me Greenspan could have made a stronger play than sitting on his wrinkled old hands until the time came to retire and he needed some juicy material for his new book. I think Colin Powell, to a lesser extent, did the same thing. And anybody who has read "Confessions of An Economic Hitman" (sidestepping for a second the argument about its veracity) will see the same thing; a guy who spent an entire successful career harming poor nations in the name of development who manages to keep at it until he's made enough cash, at which point he turns his "lifelong moral dilemma" into a bestseller and goes to sleep on a bed of cash.

So in conclusion.........man, fuck that.

$4 Oil. Go, go, go!

I didn't used to be a cynic. I had a roommate once who said he "hated people," but I couldn't believe it. How could he think that?

Fast forward ten years to the dregs of my late twenties. I have become a grumpy old man. Which brings us to my new favorite sport: rooting for the price of gas to hit $4.

Maybe there's a sort of bandwagon phenomenon here -- if everyone knows that one team is going to win, why not join? A gallon of gas is going to hit $4 whether I like it or not -- might as well root it on.

Now this might not be as funny if Helen and I didn't have too much money, or had long commutes, or two cars. We have one car that we don't drive that often. So while I notice the price of oil -- it used to take $19 to fill 'er up, now it takes $36 -- it doesn't really affect me. It's a pizza. No biggie.

But I love to watch people freak out about the price of oil. Most of those freaking out don't need to worry about anything -- the real people in a crunch are figuring out solutions: drive less, second job, no vacation. That sucks, no doubt.

All I'm saying is, we can dread the future, or we can embrace it. When they talk of Homer and $4 gas, they'll say, "He finally loved Big Brother."

Obama: Christian.

Maybe it's the Muslim-rumor emails. Maybe it's the speeches. But no other Democrat could put out a mailer like this without getting laughed at. In fact, it'd be hard for a Republican to put something this overt out.

With Barack, it just seems so natural...

Vatican: Keep the Faith in Aliens

My faith is so open-minded! What an awesome statement.

dudes on a plane

So Stan spent yesterday evening on a plane returning from a wedding in Florida. As you may know, there has been some pretty rough weather in the area. And last night we had to fly right through it. It was especially fun given the 44 oz. of beer I drank in the airport bar watching the last few holes of the Player's Championship.

But this time was a little hairier than most. Descending through the clouds and rain at about 5,000 feet a bolt of lightning struck the plane. Everything flashed red then there was a huge boom immediately following. It was startling, but not that scary really. You're flying a gigantic tube of metal through the middle of a thunderstorm. Its probably going to get hit by lighting, and you can expect that the designers foresaw this and made accommodations. I will panic if I hear "Folks, this is your Captain speaking. Look, uhm, light 'em up, 'cause we're going down, okay. I got a carton of Camels non-filters, I'll see you on the ground. Take it easy."

But some of Stan's fellow passengers promptly lost their shit. One lady immediately yelled out "FIRE!" (wtf?) A few others screamed, and the lady next to me was breathing like Rosie O'Donnell after the 100 yard dash. Then when we got on the ground everyone was thanking god we made it out alive.

Dude Movie Reviews: Iron Man

Helen and I saw Iron Man last night. It was awesome. Really awesome. I would even venture to say the best Marvel Comics movie to date. Better than X-Men 2. Instead of the Spider-Man paradigm (let's have whiny teenagers argue) it revolves around the main character being awesome all the time...mixed in with conflicts over the root of his awesomeness. Another key point to its success is having Jon Faveau as its director...there's definitely a bit of Swingers in there -- which could have turned out obnoxiously, but it weaves in perfectly. Highly recommended.

We also saw The Forbidden Kingdom in the theater yesterday...decent; worth seeing if you happen upon it.

Also, per last night's previews, Infected fans might want to keep their eye on The Andromeda Strain coming out on television later this month...

Bloggers vs MSM

So, I'm catching up on events of the world from the past couple of weeks and came across the Costas Now segment with Buzz Bissinger and Will Leitch. Let me begin by saying that Bissinger is one of my favorite writers...Friday Night Lights is one of the most brilliant sports books I have ever read, but in this situation I am completely turned off by him. From the very beginning you can feel the tension on the set (it does not help that Costas hates blogs as well)...his body language and facial expressions give off an absolute disdain for the person sitting next to him, and it is not Braylon Edwards--speaking of Edwards who did he end up on this segment. Why not get an athlete for actually blogs and get a view point that straddles both view points?

This debate between blogs and MSM, especially in sports, is completely fruitless. They are two completely different beasts. Blogs are not a replacement for the news I get from ESPN, WaPo, or SI...it is supplement. Just like Andrew Sullivan and Daily Kos don't replace the NewsHour or NY Times. Why all of the hostility? To keep pointing to the fringe blogs (such as this one) as why blogs are awful is wrong on a couple of levels. 1) No one reads this blog outside of 7 people, so if a tree falls in the forest does it make a sound?; 2) we are simply putting out our opinions, which we are allowed to do, and if no one wants to read it (which they don't) then they won't read it (hence a readership of 7); 3) you are minimizing the great writing that happens on other blogs such as Deadspin and DC Sport Bog; 4) you are doing an even greater disservice to the profession of sports writing by playing the schoolyard bully role.

So Buzz, chill out! Everything will be okay. Take comfort in the fact that the market for great sports writing is not going anywhere. You are not the last of a dying breed...I promise.

One more note...I thought Leitch did a great job considering this is about the same as going on O'Reilly, seriously Bussinger and Costas were completely dicks.

UPDATE: If you can't find the humor in KSK does that mean you don't have a sense of humor? Probably not, but it begs the question of whether you are taking yourself, and sports, too seriously.